Introspective Moment

Today I am exiting from what seems a deep and thick fog bank in my life.  The last couple of weeks have been trying—to say the least.  The family crisis that crashed upon the relative peace of my extended family is well documented.  But it is the aftermath of the draining week that found me already battling with the preamble to a viral event that has me reeling, even as I find myself back at work after a couple of days trying to find my footing.

I have been corresponding with a young man, who is presently imprisoned at a facility in California, accused of murder.  He has been part of my life since the early nineties; during my tenure at La Sierra Academy and the La Sierra University Church.  He was a member of my drama group.  He was a friend of my children.  He played on the baseball team with my boys. He was, for all intents and purposes, a great kid.  But here he is, fighting for his freedom—hoping to once again have the opportunity to experience the simple pleasures we often take for granted. 

He admits he made some bad choices along the way, although he relentlessly clings to his innocence regarding the sordid event that placed him in the cold and unforgiving penal system.  The exchange of letters has been a bit difficult for me.  His letters are full of unfettered hope and fiery passion for God.  His words are saturated with references to his walk with God behind bars.  He talks about the books he is reading and the lessons he is learning—it’s all a bit much for me!  I don’t mean to sound negative, it’s just that I have been pushed into reconsidering my personal walk with God.  All of a sudden, my puny and insignificant devotional life is exposed.  My “too-busy-to-take-the-time-and-too-self-absorbed-to-notice-the-time-when-it’s-there-life” seems more than a bit empty and hollow.  It’s humbling to be exposed by a convict!

I need to take my time with God more seriously.  I need to feed my soul more consistently with themes that elevate me.  Doing good things is not good enough!  Being busy doing God’s work is not a substitute for being with the God of the work.  I am feeling a bit void and raw at the moment.  I recognize that a part of it may be my fragile health and general malaise.  But I also recognize that the “small still voice” of God still speaks to me in the most unexpected ways.  My dreams and hopes for the school system in the Arizona Conference don’t matter one bit if God is not at the core of it all! 

I am blessed beyond measure—but there is more blessing yet to receive!  Lord, help me.  By the way, pray for Nik.  He could really use our prayers right now as he depends on others to fight his legal battles.  He asked me to ask others to pray for him.  Thank you.